As a female, we have to tinker the keto diet a little more than our male keto-ers do. For example, during shark week I can’t eat meat or I’ll end up on the couch in agony, with a heating pad, wanting to tear my ovaries out. So, I have to opt for things that are more easily digestible to my puffy, unhappy insides.
Keto for women is just different. For one week every month we have brain-consuming cravings, we weigh more, have a hard time digesting, we get headaches and cramps and dammit we just want a blanket, some chocolate and a tub of icecream. end </stereotype>
OK, but you get it. We also have other things to think about, like vaginas and boobies. For these two special things, we need to make some alterations too. You can’t just cut out some things.
How to make keto for women easier and less grouchy
Here are some tips I’ve cooked up over the past year that I’ve been told have been really helpful, enjoy!
- Eat yogurt. The diet says no, but I SAY YES. Men don’t need to care about the Lactobacillus acidophilus in yogurt, but a good healthy vagina does! Dannon makes a Light & Fit “Diabetic Friendly” vanilla yogurt that’s only 3 carbs per cup.
- Take cranberry supplements. Additionally, we need cranberry to ward away pesky urinary tract infections if we ever plan on forgetting to pee after sex again. So, take a cranberry supplement every day, and accept the carbs that come with it.
- Prepare for the lady in red. When the red devil is in town and you “need” sweets, opt for a handful of dark chocolate chocolate chips. The gourmet ones, real dark chocolate ones have the least carbs. The Milk Chocolate Almond Bars from Meleleuca only have 7 carbs for the entire bar, 9 for the DHA-enhanced dark chocolate ones which is also awesome.
- Remember that meats take more to digest. Also, stick to broth, sugar-free jello and veggies around that time. Digesting meats when you’ll all puffed up inside can hurt like hell. If it doesn’t, then… lucky you! …keep on keepin’ on.
- Don’t weigh yourself during your period. Duh. Your period may get longer and/or come early for a little while but then regulates itself magically!
- Chill on the cheese and peanut butter. Some people don’t lose weight while eating these two items and so many women I know on keto think that you get a free pass on peanut butter (definitely not) and cheese (close, but no cigar). You should only have 4oz of cheese per day, and peanut butter isn’t exactly carb free! I do like Teddie Flax Peanut Butter though, which has a good net carb ratio.
- Watch your estrogen. Some women’s doctors will tell them that their estrogen has dropped. The popular belief is that we’re so used to ingesting estrogen-inducing hormones through processed soy, that suddenly we’re deficient. Your body should technically fix this deficiency on it’s own, but I like to drink Vega (whole food shake, no soy, gluten, fake sugar, etc.) with almond milk (water is not so tasty) once in a while which has ingredients that help balance hormones. And it only has 7 net carbs. 22 total with 15 grams of fiber!
- Keep tabs on calories. On keto, sometimes you don’t realize that you’re not getting enough calories! I feel like women don’t gorge ourselves on bacon all day like the dudes do, and we hurt our metabolisms by not eating enough!
- Easy on the proteins too. Women burn less protein when exercising and at rest, which means we don’t need to ingest as much as men. Also, if you can’t seem to get into ketosis, reduce your intake of proteins.
- Push-up to keep the boobs up! Weight loss can lead to saggy boobs (in men too!). Try doing pushups every day to keep everything tight up there!
- Take Omega-3! Seriously! You need to have more Omega 3 in your system than Omega-6 (all those fats you are consuming) otherwise all that oil and stuff will do you harm.
- Keep your pH in check. As a lady, our pH levels are especially important. A scientist I talked to who tested my blood after joining keto told me to drink lemon water every day. I LOVE True Lemon packets, which is literally dried lemon juice and nothing else.
And since we get craving way worse than men (shuttup guys, you don’t even know):
- Land O’ Lakes makes a whipped cream that’s sugar-free because it’s made with heavy cream. It has zero carbs and it’s amazing. Cool Whip also makes a heavy cream version that’s super low carb too, even lower than their sugar-free tub.
- Anything that’s “light” or “sugar free” is usually still full of carbs, sometimes more than the original one.
- If you whisk up heavy cream and peanut butter (I like Teddie Flax PB) you can use less peanut butter to make more and create a creamy delicious mousse we like to call “Peanut Butter delight” around here – add a little stevia if you want!
- Ghee is amazing. I mean, butter is awesome, but ghee is amazing, especially if you throw it on steak.
- Make these keto peanut butter cups. They stay in the freezer so they never go bad and are always on hand for a chocolate craving!
Please share your insights on keto for women in the comments!